This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-11-18 07:47:11 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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proposition with ‘do you love me?’
i'm invited to play
my own stalking horse
the range of love, when
you use it that way,
is limited. unlike me
the real domain is
the risible, imaginary
yet stabilising input
the assertoric is that
i can answer you only
once my words arrive
so
i’ve no idea, i said,
defraying an elegant
substitute with proof |
|
Copyright © November 2009 Mark Andrew Hislop
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-11-26 15:55:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Mark,
Feel sorry for men right now. It's so odd how men & women relate to each other as opposites, yet can't live without the other in their lives. It's always about the delivery to us, whether you want to say something else or not - we're waiting for you to do & say everything we want you to.
Read our minds just once; and you've found "perfect male.",
Excellent write -
very good message and gave me a smile today,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2009-11-18 16:38:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Mark,
The fatal mistake is to ask the question in the first place which, of course, avoids the answer "i've no idea." "i can answer you...only once my words arrive" is a phrase I wish I had thought of first. With the flare of your pen you have written a very moving and touching poem.
Well done, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-11-18 10:24:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
I might prefer the reply, "compared to what?" But of course that won't satisfy anyone intruding
upon you that question either. And it is an intrusion, even a preemptive strike. The line, "...when/
you use it that way,/is limited, unlike me" is perfect clarity to the situation.
Were this question HONESTLY asked by anyone over-stepping enough to ask it, it would be, "can I contain
you; can I chain you, with your feelings for me?" Otherwise what satisfaction can even an affirmitive
response be to the asker if it had to be asked?!
Oh, but my young friend, we have a song here, one that might compete with, American Woman, for infamy
among a certain gender. Yes, "risible" describes best any sane reaction.
Which brings me to something I've been conflicted with for a while now: Has Charlie Harper's mother
actually done him more favors than otherwise, by "innoculating" him so well from the virus of feminine
wiles?
Oh, but I myself learned so late...pity.
A brave poem and a good one.
JCH
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