James C. Horak's E-Mail Address: jchorak7441@sbcglobal.net

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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by James C. Horak	Critique Date
Phases	DeniMari Z.	This needs rewriting. Your illusions must lead somewhere. Unify imagery around meaning, else the poem will lose purpose. I know you have one, just tailor the poem better to it. The two lines apart from the poem have poor syntax and lose meaning making the internal rhyme of "dive" with "alive" seem that much more contrived. Rewrite. JCH	2010-03-28 16:22:02
Mater Dolorosa	Mark Steven Scheffer	Do you mean, "Her shadowed corps(e)"? In such a poem, my dear friend, a critical thing to discern. In the acceptance that Mary should be interpreted, in line with rightful subordination to Christ, in worshipful aspect to Him, Our Lady of Sorrows has a very beautiful devotion to those historical "stations" of His life...rather than those of His death. Actually, Catholicism at its best. Your powerful poem offers, in playing upon the Sorrows, the acknowledgement mankind can feel in their own, one such, the burning of Atlanta by Sherman. The controversial imagery, "With the cunt of slaughter fetid..." grips in tone just how brought to stage on level with man religious association can be. And that the churches spared are bittersweet to contemplation...and, "with you and your children now gone" a meaningless mercy, almost a mocking one. Grand and powerful. JCH	2010-03-20 07:15:30
Utopia	Mark Steven Scheffer	The last verse is excellent. The poem itself, almost an inversion of the, Man With the Hoe. If people would think about this poem it will grip them...with a chill and a deeper look inside. Very good. JCH	2010-03-06 01:25:32
Tenured	Thomas Edward Wright	I saw a movie once, a man unceremoniously screwed a woman on a rooftop in an iron bed almost imported, it looked to be there. It was all done to the imposed imagery of some idea of devotion to the Holy Mother. And left at that. Ceremony is the ideal. Death the practice. JCH	2010-03-06 00:55:19
Life's Sentence	Thomas Edward Wright	No, it didn't. JCH, the diabolical	2010-03-06 00:44:12
The Dearth of Freedom (Being a Reply to TEW)	Mark Steven Scheffer	Tis a comedy of errors, a farce of sense, and a den of Moliere women dining on cotton mistaken for sweet meats. Fie, fie, fie...and one for good measure, fie. It is poetry, too wayward for prose. And a lark to my cuckles. Very good, JCH	2010-03-06 00:40:36
Base camp	Mark Andrew Hislop	A rare poem for online consumption. A quandary thrown me when I'd like better to have tidy vote. Only that I've been right about you all along and this damn well proves it. And I don't want to see anymore half-hearted attempts from you after this. Easily the most attractive to read poem I've read since I've been here. Though you have screwed up the order of my vote, thank you very much. JCH	2010-03-06 00:34:37
All Lights Go Out	DeniMari Z.	So much better than, Fairy Possible. Instead of me, I want you to tell me why. The last line is full of deeper implication that might have been missed entirely if you had tried to better contrive it to form and structure. I want you to see the tightrope poet's walk between the subtle and the contrived everytime they pick up the pen. JCH	2010-03-05 10:21:53
Fairy Possible	DeniMari Z.	DeniMari, I'm going to be perfectly honest and show you what ordinarily, were you not caught up in the moment, I believe you would see for yourself. Especially since it only represents a disagreement between something as apparent as "sound and sense". Over the years I've noticed that people use a different standard on poetry sites when they critique than when they poem. Almost as if resisting actually trying to go into the poem of someone elses. A shortcoming I try and avoid and which, over time people come to accept more, the constructive criticism I offer. Were others to focus on this higher penetration instead of simply looking for something "nice" to say to balance out what they perceive that's "negative" (the most horribly misused concept in society today,) we'd all get to poetry excellence much more quickly. The illusions, metaphors, euphemisms you employ here are early on betrayed by a mistake your reader is not going to get over as the first bump in this poem's "road". Not that anyone is going to tell you, except meanie man me (thought of adopting that MMM instead of JCH.) NEVER NEVER NEVER start out a poem using structured rhyme with an illusion, metaphor, euphemism, even a simile that has no concretion in reality. From then on your reader will not get over the incongruity of your reaching contrivance even if your poems' "information" warrants it. And, "...fortess stilling depth" is such a fatal flaw. Even worsened by fulfilling meter and rhyme scheme so well. It has no literal meaning, no figurative, no meaning poetically in imagery or reflection back on past poetic usage. But worse than that it is a bump your reader will not get over unless they just tune out to avoid being honest and apply sensitive reading. If you benefit from this "confrontation" (and I really don't want to hurt your feelings and honestly feel you've talent and depth...or I wouldn't even care) you will not create a pile of embarassment that might become a lineage of embarassment to any established poet further down the road of success. Let me say, my dear, this applies to work by almost every poet here at one time or another. And if I'm picking on you it's because I feel I have cause to expect you, more than the others, to take this well and constructively. Please, please, please, make those first lines doubly meaningful so that if you do take leaps later on in the poem, they'll be an interpretive context for them. JCH	2010-03-05 10:05:10
The Gardener	Duane J Jackson	Microcosm to macrocosm, a wonderful device for the short poem and something, Duane, you do exceedingly well. With the flavor of style, your very own. Certainly, your last line, "Bring war-time buds to head" is your best, a triumph of original, of novel imagery. And so elegant with the rest. Not a single redundancy, but similes that turn the head and imagery that strike with the curious, denouement to meaning. Really like it and expect it to do well in the contest. JCH	2010-03-02 22:59:11
Fire Gazer	Dellena Rovito	There is certainly something magical in watching both the dance of fire when its warmth is needed. Together they help wash the cares of day away and cheer us to the soul. Almost like being in company with friends when having been denied their presence for a while. The parallel is struck by your foot-note. And the reference well appreciated. The last verse has assonance and meaning reflexive with its rhyme. Some winter, winter weather How I'd love us all together. JCH	2010-02-19 20:26:25
Remember Tomorrow	cheyenne smyth	There are poems of mind and poems of mood. The poem of both is a challenge to succeed. Only a themetic core can carry such a blending of these two. As the title infers, a pattern seen in the past can indeed speak for one in the future. But in the third verse you have a needless digression where this joining is not reaffirmed. Qualities of the indistinct and their faceted playing upon our imagination is grand. In the final verse "His" suggests romantic pining from our lady poet and draws the tone to melancholy. The effect is unifyiing and immediate to reflection of the poem throughout. Just fix that third verse. JCH	2010-02-18 21:43:50
Sea Of Doubt	Duane J Jackson	The complexity in imagery and implied meanings of this poem is almost as kaleidescapic as coral chambers in the sea itself. A really complicated image is that of your representing the curiosity of venturing by "question mark" "hooks" (don't think I'd make it more complicated with "red-hot".) The illusion is achievable by readers but the protraction to combine so much so quickly is labored. If you expand a little you will retain your own style better and force your reader much less to grant you license. I know you mean intrusion by these images, a meaning enhanced by "mermen" that "guard/The troves of pearly gems" and your vision is still mind- opening and wonderful. But put one more step in you ladder to reach it and this poem will succeed. On another note, to address a question you asked, no, I don't think submitting more poems waters down the vote. I'm only taking the highest voted poem of each poet to count towards our contest. It happened this month that that mirrored TPL's outcome, but that's not likely to again. This is why I open the door to reposts. But I want the joy of new poems I haven't read (and which just might be the case for most others as well) and that adds fuel to my ultimate objective, to promote TPL. If your Muse has graced your shoulder (to whisper in your ear,) please, please, please don't hold back. JCH	2010-02-08 09:18:56
My January Vote	Duane J Jackson	You're too kind to me, Duane. Otherwise your choices are inarguable. Oh, but I for one, spent some agonizing hours to decide. I'll bet you did too. Pests is looking pretty good for next month, again my personal tastes tugging. And Dellena has to confuse matters even more with her splendid, The Gloved One. Of course, Mark's, Torn Pages, is pure focused power. It's back to headache city for me. But seriously, I love it. It's like standing in the street on tacks to catch manna falling from the skies. Small price to pay. JCH	2010-02-06 14:22:24
The Gloved One	Dellena Rovito	Like Whirligig, you strike profoundly euphemism in parallel with something else; in this case, aging. The choice of gloves, over shoes, coats, pants,etc. is very interesting and has its own meanings. I'm quite taken with that...as well as with the beautiful simplicity with which you make this poem work so successfully. You know how fond I am of subtle, uncontrived rhyme and "tips" with "wrist", "grim" with "years", and "faulted" with "annoying" appeal to me greatly. Although, I'm certain, those ear-hardened to the less-than-subtle wouldn't notice at all. Their loss. Aside, you are very generous in your offer to help jumpstart a cash prize tradition somewhat by contributing monies yourself. If you like, you might post your ideas on that to the forum and see if others would like to get involved. Maybe we could concrete some form of system wherein everyone contributes what they can afford. If everyone likes the way I've run this contest, then I would be available and willing to run others. But that can be done by others too. At least I've helped demonstrate it makes a difference. We don't just have more poems, we have better ones. JCH	2010-02-06 14:08:53
To Write Like Poe	cheyenne smyth	If you know what a "bridge" is in song, you have something highly similar in the example of the whole of the fifth stanza. Look at the over-all beat in the refrains, "never more", "nothing more", "never more", "ever more", "ever more", and "nothing more". An esoteric quality. The choice of six stanzas instead of the usual five or seven is significant as well. Like Poe, breaking out of the mold. You've done very well mastering the art of inversion to fit more subtle the rhyme scheme, something, again significant to Poe's qualities. Recent biographers have not been kind to Poe, painting him as a sort of dissipant. This regard you show here is not only refreshing, but redemptive to newer readers that might be so easily beguiled to rush of judgement. And to help distinguish between the agonizing Doestoyefskian life a writer might have, opposed to his vision of artistry. Would Poe be flattered by your devotion?....I'll make the leap to assert, I think he would. JCH	2010-02-06 10:22:23
Jan. vote	Dellena Rovito	Yes, an excellent month with many wonderful poems. Two more months of contest to go. Hopefully we'll have some stay from the promotion. Maybe we can get Chris's ear and he'll listen to some suggestions. Several have them. It would have been nice had he been involved in the promotion of the contest but that didn't happen. Maybe he yet will, if he's paying attention at all. JCH	2010-02-03 21:55:32
Sun Shines Through Cracks	DeniMari Z.	Actually, DeniMarie, I like this poem better than any of yours I recall reading. Yet, it could be improved upon. It rolls on like a lumbering, staggered sentence and it does not need to do so. Take out articles that are unnecessary for understanding, using a degree of poetic license. Give your reader "blanks" to fill in once you've show them direction. That's multifaceting. Free verse IS the most difficult with which to succeed but it is worth the effort. And it damn sure beats the overly contrived. Now let's look at what I like: to a student of MesoAmerica, the lines, "Would we buy/the sun a gift is we could," has powerful meaning. The preColumbian civilizations overcompensated a little doing just that. As touching on keen historical reference, enriching a poem by doing so, this is really a big deal. The lines, "consistent when sad/diaries are written", to speak of the absence of the sun's essence in metaphor is grand. But at best, the parallel you draw between other forms of loss with that of the son's seasonal migration and its seeming "loss" is parallelism used well. JCH	2010-02-02 08:33:24
A Different Path	cheyenne smyth	I want you to try something, Cheyenne. "Skeletonize" this down to what bare essentials are needed to grasp your meaning...then enrich what is left with imagery. Imagery that you vision, feel, almost touch. It's in other poems of yours, even those highly form conscious. But I don't see it here to the same extent. Words like "scream" and phrases like, "swallowed by shrouds" alone don't justify the intensity suggested. Bring this up to the powerful potentials growth, suggested by your title, must actually represent. JCH	2010-02-02 08:13:07
Letting Go Is Easier In Your Own Time	DeniMari Z.	Yep, sounds like some New Ager's advice. Surprised she didn't throw in some aroma therapy and birch leaf tea. For it has to be "your own time", no doubt about it. We're all different and our love is not the same either. I wouldn't venture to say I could grasp the depths of a mother's love and sense of loss. Else I'd be no better than Miss Flippant here. And nothing's to say you will ever get over all the pain and that I can grasp. I doubt I could and pray I will never lose a child so dear to me. JCH	2010-02-01 22:15:00
See At First Sight	DeniMari Z.	Yes, and a better poem. It has the magical indistinctness to which I've alluded often enough, though you break with it a little in the line, "all there is because nothing/exists exactly the same". Better: all there because nothing/exists the same. Be a master of understatement as a poet and NEVER over modify. I would prefer you remove "all" from your poetic vocabulary almost entirely. The phrase, "striking tinted tips...." is poetically illiterative; the subtle rhyme of "life" with "precise" in the sixth stanza is delicious and the poem stikes the imagination well throughout. JCH	2010-02-01 22:05:40
Rime On The Hoarfrost	Thomas Edward Wright	Powers of observation can relate even the most happenstance of process (frost melting in the sun)to dramtic event or sensual parallel. It is the poet's playground. Adding the worshipful (hymnal, please) is an extravagance that verges on elegance. Even to your trademark, finding compaction with a word (Seratim) to cover almost a vision in itself. Do you work for Webster's? A fine poem, even more effective for its brevity.	2010-01-26 09:25:07
One In A Long Line or Ready For Battle	Kenneth R. Patton	You've become adept at the lingering final statement, dropped almost from a magician's hat. The rustic poet certainly has value, I've never meant to in anyway deprecate that nor ever will. Remember Arnie?...our rustic poet in residence before you obtained that accolade. One day I made a bold and unfair statement to see if I could break him out of that mold...not being so appreciative as I am now. He won that next month's contest with a true gem. It was about the Biblical David. The first verse is stoic in its wisdom, matter-of-factly observing the brother against brother, father against son, context of an awful Civil War (opposites but the same.) Then you focus the rest of the poem on "Men in their hats" emerging from out of the poem yourself within that frame. Successful in that device you have established a universality applying with today. Sometimes "down home" wisdom can be the best kind. Your best poem I've read yet. Keep it up. JCH	2010-01-26 09:03:08
Tears Fall	cheyenne smyth	Why, thank you, my dear. And, yes, c flat seldom gives dulcet tone. To anything, kind of a place holder between notes that do...or is it just my ear? And so it is between those that have known depression (melancholy.) How long is this residue of suffering?...and how easily, so easily, it is brought back. Your poem is meant, between those that know. "scarlet tears (like blood) blend/ with shades/ of sorrow", "sheets of night/fade into empty/corridors"...an extended rhyme held to beautiful imagery. The subtlety suits this poem. More structure simply wouldn't have worked as well. And the accomplished poet discerns these things and chooses appropriately. As you have. JCH	2010-01-24 10:13:16
My Loves Lullyby	DeniMari Z.	The sublimation of emotion made when we allow another the depths of our love is not always adviseable, most often counter-productive to our health. For the brave, having found some antidote in their experience of romantic "foraging", they begin by acknowledging the ideal is never found. In this poem, however, the poet seems to not have arrived at that saving grace. But then many poems have followed the Romeo and Juliet model, haven't they? Allowing you this, the reader finds lovely imagery relating to a close and intimate mutual partaking of sensual delights. The next-to-last verse builds a vision of that ecstasy flourishing. The last verse is the resulting power of expectation in, "photographed a picture/ of my future in his life". The opening up of vulnerability. A rare glimpse into the psychic workings of a giving woman yet to be hardened into something much less. Above all, I find the honesty refreshing.	2010-01-24 09:59:30
the Eye That Sees	Ellen K Lewis	Ellen, although you and Rene Bennett will not listen to me, perhaps you will to one of the more comprehensive sources and authorities on defining differences between poetry and prose. In the section entititled "Theories of Poetry" of the Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics, published by Princeton University Press, the imminent poet Coleridge's opinion is given: The principal alternative, in English expressive theory, to the view that poetry is the expression of feelings or unrealized desires was Coleridge's view that "poetry" (the superlative passages which occur both in poems and other forms of discourse)is the product of "that synthetic and magical power to which we have exclusively appropriated the name of imagination" (Biographia Literaria, 1817). I take this to mean the presence of imagery. Your poem has none, yet its topic matter is significant and well worth the effort to poem, not just in prose form afixed to verse. Being so advised, you might work a little to breathe poetic life into this effort. JCH	2010-01-22 11:51:33
In confidence	Mark Andrew Hislop	Such a poem is best euphemism for something parallel, metaphorially relevent, socially relevent... even personal on a basis for which all can relate. We look to the title for some clue of that. Striking upon "personal on a basis for which all can relate" we might guess the meaning the moon has become to the poet as he poems, to be some form of sterile transcendence, a removal of self to some distant point. From some station or situation in life where even coldness, apartness, is preferable. Not a good sign, my young friend. Even more troubling than Frost's friends must have felt upon reading his, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. Some "confidences" are not meant to keep. JCH	2010-01-20 08:53:29
Whirligig	Dellena Rovito	Oh, this is good, my dear and so personally gratifying to my hopes of any contest. This has parallelism, subtlety, where imagery is easliy visioned in the mind. What an interesting euphemism you've made of "whirligig"! The ending line, with those before it, of the fourth verse, "Her essence cool(l)y hushed" is as lovely as the petal of a rose dropping on water. A beautiful and worthy entry into our contest. JCH	2010-01-19 12:46:15
Sonnet Writing	cheyenne smyth	This poem is enhanced by its use of Middle English as few are. Another happy note so much often "coloring" the sonnet. Hope I'm not what metaphor given the Raven. But if so, I've well earned it in the eyes of classicists. And yes indeed, you're on the way to earning the opinion...can't fault you there either. (I never quibble with justice.) But please don't give up the other effort either...you'll be good at it. And now I must find balm to help heal hurt feelings. And what am I to do for dinner? JCH	2010-01-18 17:21:19
Once Upon His Desuetude Rode He Into Town	Thomas Edward Wright	Well, Thomas, a good excursion into intellectual frivolity, its own most astute slam at redundance. Although apparent influences from the better modern poets abound, yours is a unique and interesting poem. The underlying play, "tusking the white elephant"...who, "has no tusk", like a current through passage is not missed...nor the more obvious euphemisms for life trying to grasp at any significance of being. So you know of the "dwarf", the doorman between two worlds, adding significance to any ceremony context implied by your use of "Ciborium". This interdimensional depth and the game of chance you play, bested by, "Three Ghosts and a pair of whores" is, by no accident I wager, stark symbolism. And from another work of stark symbolism, Twin Peaks Fire Walk With Me, do you know why the FBI assistant director, when sending his agent into the field at the airport, uses his own daughter to mimic and sign his directions? A different form of "tusking"?...no, something very real and close to home. Enjoyed your colorful and provoking poem very much and welcome to our contest. You're off to a good start. And glad you've shaken off the dust ("Desuetude".) JCH	2010-01-18 09:42:17
Take or Give Out	DeniMari Z.	Certainly the best poem you've done in a while, DeniMarie. Tight to meaning without being contrived (excellent the subtle rhyme of "next" with "expect".) Broad universality of meaning, applicable to all of social consciousness and/or the downtrodden. The natural tones and rhythems are like falling leaves, so lightly taken...yet profound. Excellent sentiments abounding with the truth of human discontentment and its, quite often, false sense of values. Statements like, "Favor those humbled in life" are resounding. Excellent poem.	2010-01-17 12:49:58
Alone	cheyenne smyth	The stark, though rarely palpable is visited, companion are we in this just as much as in enjoying a game of sport. Strangely perhaps even brought closer. So that in daily tragedies we are not alone. Still the visits can be intense, so much so we can't imagine another having shared them. These moments are the most dismal with an added feeling of abandon. Then, even walls seem to mock us and the shadow play upon them just as you describe. Imagery well connected enough to envision for you did not describe it, you portrayed it. Every difference in the world, my dear. JCH	2010-01-16 22:36:30
From beyond	Mark Andrew Hislop	Well, yes, it reaches broader. A defiance to encapsulation. That we are sometimes more for what we are reaching than what is measured in the eye. Brazil could be a euphemism for that expectation, the place of "true magical script". A place that Sam Lowry, in the 1985 movie, Brazil, mentally designates an escape from his Orwellian world. At another level you are more than that for which you believe you have been taken. How many times we have all seen those we care about slight us by taking an inferior partner. And we'll never know how much is intended for just hurting us and how much is just poor taste. You, like me, may just attribute too much thought to others. It might surprise you on what thin basis preferences can be made. And/or how much revenge plays in all of it. JCH	2010-01-16 19:23:06
Left Behind (Revised)	cheyenne smyth	Yes, this is to what modern poetry advances. Many ways to describe it, it is what impressionism was to painting, to poetry. You did very well and you'll get better until it's just as natural to you as iambic pentameter and the heroic couplet. As close as it comes in prose is stream of consciousness best exampled by James Joyce. But never successful in the sense this indisctinct connectiveness is to poetry. Few have ever perfected it, if any, but it can be done and many glorious attempts have been managed. It is the flower forever opening. Think of it that way. Terry is well on her way to doing it and you might as well. Non-determinism in the novel revitalized literature, this may very well do the same for poetry. It would be a joy to me to see you and/or Terry one day click off a masterpiece that has no direct work by which to compare it. (I never liked the adage, "Nothing new under the sun".) JCH	2010-01-15 19:38:30
Sand Castles	cheyenne smyth	I would like so much better, The sands are castle's keep (look up the medieval meaning of "keep".} The line is pressed for meaning otherwise. Instead of "spoon" think about, plumb "their hearts to please" where the verb pertains to taking depth with a plum-bob. Like Samuel Johnson once said, "where it strains one to make sense, is the insensible". Meaning he viewed art as needing to make sense. When I applaud you for tight imagery you are fulfilling this demand well. Here you don't. The next two verses fly, some license with "lilt and lute" but the assonance achieved is lovely. I am impressed that you can make breaks in rhyming pattern work so well. Indeed one should NOT feel constrained to anything that dampens a poem's success...especially form. A little work and this comes up to the level of other poems of yours I've praised. "While beauty breathes for lover's sake" is an indepth multifacet of meaning I find a grand closing line. JCH	2010-01-15 09:31:42
At Critical Mass	Mark Andrew Hislop	This challenge to those that would reduce others to their own oftentimes thin frame of reference, is powerful AND applicable as much to many other matters than those of the love/celibacy debate. Exotic (..."a dragonfly dispensed from its pupa,/I emerge in the clarion stupor/of desire in its brightest sharpest flame.") in imagery yet poignant in focal intensity ("I am, the overloaded atoms's whirl/I am, the white-hot core...) that dispenses well with the easy judgement. Yes, no one can know anothers searing to the depths from "love's wound" and the wise do not try. And, I'm certain, you most of all wish they didn't. Very interesting language, powerful imagery and highly evocative. Shall we decline, "object turning" to some safe double intende'? Very good and am overjoyed to see you participating in the contest. JCH	2010-01-12 23:44:05
My Votes For December	DeniMari Z.	Yes, Cheyenne, is gifted. I'm quite happy you've indulged myself and others in giving some accounting to your vote. I know it can sometimes seem an arbitrary thing, but less openness is worse. As it's proved to be in the past. JCH	2010-01-11 11:43:16
Autumn Echoes	cheyenne smyth	I would like so much more, fade and fall. That third verse is eloquent and elevates this poem abundantly. Slightly less so are the final lines. Just a little polish on the rest. Tight imagery is your trademark, but take a leap every now and then. Some really beautiful lines. JCH	2010-01-11 11:38:30
My December Votes	Duane J Jackson	I well appreciate your regard for Unseen Obvious, my friend. It is wonderful the effort you've put into personally inviting poets back. Mary Coffman was approaching her own style (something you've well attained) before she left and it would be a joy to watch as she picks up where she left off. The breadth of imagery she has exhibited is a pleasure to behold. I hope she realizes she's a born poet. But there are others here... MSS, if you're listening...we need you. You have developed the penetrating critique we need most. JCH	2010-01-11 11:31:48
Two Step	Dellena Rovito	Ohhh, this is clever, never once breaking the dual pattern until the final statement. Making that statement that much more powerful...yet you restrain to the wonderful illusion, "display it in your dance". You put some work into this and it shows. I hope everyone appreciates just how much. Well textured with profound (and true) statements, it is a delight how you reserve the rhyme pattern for the extended lines. I am taken with your poem, my dear. Enjoyed it very much. Now stay healthy and it's win/win. JCH	2010-01-10 09:52:03
Raoul	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	I would suggest replacing "extermination" with extinguishing. The former word has adroit connotations I don't think you want since the tone the poem sets is subtle. It is interesting how your lines broaden to pertain to such a host of "saints" extending well beyond one religion, one ethnicity. The process "evil" realizes IS an incorporation and your lines, "The blackness of man/Incorporated into evil" appreciates it well. I have always maintained that the intense is not that well served by structured form. Taking extreme license to poem this in free verse is a good choice. Still, your next to last verse, has the multi-facets of good imagery as it plays on meaning with inversion. Your last line, an open commentary on society as well as saintly works, is a good summation. Men like Raoul Wallenberg should always be remembered. In your subtlety you have succeeded well beyond "shouts". JCH	2010-01-10 09:39:26
Pushed Away	DeniMari Z.	My dear, I have several issues with this New Age condensation of ideal into "soulmate". Like something cookie-cut to fit into your life without work, endeavor to understand and patience...all keeping you looking for an ideal instead of making something ideal. It doesn't exist and it robs you of taking responsiblity for what is in your own sphere of influence you can find if you're not wrapped up in delusion. Most men endure women over something so singular and non-aesthetic it would amaze you. An older man I knew for a very long time once told me after I had a reaction to his wife's controlling obsession, "I'm just crazy about the way she smells". They had been together 30 years and remained so another 15, until he died. "Soulmate" implies harmonics...and nothing about that EVER stays the same. Was not meant to. Most women, if a man is ever "crazy about them" can keep them. But not without effort, not without probing into their joys and fulfilling them with newfound freshness. You just have to find the man that keeps you enjoying doing this. And, damn it, open up so he can do the same. In every 100 available men you'd consider dating is one that could work something worthwhile out with you. IF YOU'RE NOT LOOKING FOR THE READYMADE. Now, no more whining. JCH	2010-01-08 23:21:36
Lingering Memory	cheyenne smyth	I would if using punctuation at all, place a comma instead of a period after nap. Stylization of all else can be accounted an aide to reading. It is very interesting how the first line depends so heavily on the title for astute meaning. Rhyme is nice and tight without seeming contrived, your growing trademark. The last line draws up something of a time quandary but I like it. If you would like a slight more flair try awaits instead of "waits". JCH	2010-01-08 22:58:23
Reflections	Dellena Rovito	It is so good, my dear, to have you back and cranking. We've all missed you and your poems. I suggest changing the second line to, Like prisms of light's refractions. Sound neither effects prisms or is refracted. All else is fine. I especially like the line, "I write, to perhaps explain myself..." Yes indeed, mostly to ourselves. You have read about the contest, I presume? If not, read my submission, Please Read. JCH	2010-01-08 22:50:21
Left Behind	cheyenne smyth	Cheyenne, I want this rewritten. The illusion of indistinctness is part of the free verse virtue; it allows an interplay between poem and your reader of being able to "jump" interpretation with personal aspects of the imagination. The difference between a photograph and abstract art. Never, never string together into one long sentence any direct thought. WE WANT to differentiate from prose dramatically and take poetic license to its fullest. Don't use articles when they are not necessary...something like "sream of consciousness" is even prefereable. I'm voting for this poem on potential, the potential I see easliy possible. Show me I'm right. But first visit the work of the more established modern poets. The one person who does this best here is Terry Anctil. JCH	2010-01-07 20:18:28
Morning Song	Dan D Lavigne	Remove "existance" and you will have a charming poem. I don't much care for "Center" since it's a technical term dealing with imposed mental conditioning, but perhaps it has more innocent use as well. I like very much the opening line and its illusion. Anyone ever having been at sea will well appreciate it. Good to have you here, Dan, and hope you will continue to submit. We have a contest running over the course of the three months, January, February and March. And we're giving some good prize money. See my, Please Read, submission for more details. JCH	2010-01-03 21:46:26
A Gracious Good Year	Gene Dixon	And a Happy New Year to you, Gene. It's really no custom to post non-poetry here; I do since I'm banned from the forum (naughtiness, you know.) But, please look down at my post, Please Read, for details on a contest offering real money. Top prize is $100 with 9 lesser prizes. Would love to see you participate. Maybe your presence might encourage the recalcitrant and hiding MSS. Bet you've got some contenders all set to go. JCH	2010-01-01 15:27:04
Whitewashed	Mary J Coffman	"my heart learns by rote"...capturing the tone of this poem in a line of bittersweet depth. I would think more a white-out than whitewash, left with such feelings of abandon, almost numbing the emotions as sun and snow might the eyes. Rich in simile and euphemism the imagery is highly unique and attention stopping. In keeping with such profound effect of this abandon (Jonah) this imagery is reflective, the primary success of this poem. Still, my dear, not the quality I have seen in other of your work. But then that is understandable if you are still in remorse and perhaps too close to the moment. It is so good to have you back...if just for a while. I hope everything goes well and this poem is not that fresh. JCH	2009-12-24 21:23:17
Winter Solstice	cheyenne smyth	Warmth instead of "warnth" of course. This is a leap forward in your poeming. Imagery tight and well placed rhyme scheme that is still subtle enough not to seem overly contrived. Last lines of well metered and interesting contrasts, tight enough to be those of an established poet. Elevate the prior lines to this quality and this poem will sing. JCH	2009-12-24 21:09:21
Out The Shop Door	Kenneth R. Patton	That we may often try to color our circumstance, even fog out its unsettling details is this poem's higher presentation. Were the title a bit more encompassing (like, Out Frosted Windows) it might even be allegorical. The last line is the mindfulness of how we ultimately cannot hide from reality. If you place a bit more color to the first person's circumstance and aim for a bit more subtlety, with tighter lines, meter and just a bit of assonance or rhyme you would have something to compete with Robert Frost. In a certain measure it does already. JCH	2009-12-24 20:57:30
Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by James C. Horak	Critique Date

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