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Neurosis The mustard seed said: "Thus will I have it: "I should not be permitted to fall by any means nor for any purpose be shrouded in loam’s darkness "I should never have offered to me infusions of any elements borne upon the water of life "I should not be permitted to feel the press of internal change that may divide me against myself "I should not have my innards orient themselves via gravity that they may reach towards the sun "I should not have my exoskeleton left to become composted into other organisms’ nutriments. "Beyond these things, I’ve nothing left to add." |
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-12-23 15:05:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
Hi Mark...I have read this piece several times and I feel a sense of melancholy and pathos written inside the lines. Both in the written words and especially what lies between them, unwritten. Recently you shared with me that it takes a lot our of you to write a poem...I think this piece is an example of that struggle. Not that you struggle to write, you know how to do that, but the effort it takes to limn your inner feelings on paper. I understand that completely. Deep inside we have feelings we share with no one...unless we
we feel compelled to write them down and then we make the choice to share or not to share. This is a dark poem but then I like Poe so it appeals to me and on some level perhaps I feel the same but am not talented enough to write them so eloquently. I wish you and your family the best. Merry Christmas.
Big hugs....Mazza