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What Lies Ahead? Soon another human being will soon depart. Reaching a point in existence, where those ups and downs, eventually have evened with calm. Tranquility is one’s friend, allowing the body to hide from view. Common phrases become: “Pease go awayâ€, then followed by ‘Nobody visits meâ€. The wonder within is Who will visit next? Will it be feline awaiting souls? Pawing to snatch, hoping to place it into its collection. Perhaps it’s a figure passing the window, tools in hand that represent his trade. Hoping that the door is opened, welcoming him inside to do his handiwork. Conceivably the angelic host, bringing forth a singing chorus, as one moves onward, to the stairs of the Grand Terrance entrance I know now that; as this generation moves on, the next cycle will contain my spirit. Will I enter a kingdom for lost souls? Or will the last lungful of air, be sucked out leaving barrenness. Possibly it will include a walk to the gated entrance, only time will tell. The seconds, the moments move forward... Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock |
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-08-30 21:10:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Strike the redundant "soon"; in no way is it needed and it labors the read
of your otherwise typically flowing style. "Tranquility is (indeed) one's
friend" that is, if, like you, one is (as your poem,) introspective rather than
self-absorbed. There are, I've noticed, a few of those self-absorbed submissions
this month. I hope those poets are not lingering long in that misbegotten landscape.
It is depressing to see them indulge that failing, making of their Muse something
less than purposeful.
I find your work a gratifying relief, no self-loathing here.
Now just what is a "Grand Terrance entrance"? Do you mean terrace? If so, what is
that? Still.
If you hadn't carried the illusion, "feline awaiting souls" to the explication,
"Pawing to snatch, hoping to place into its collection" I'd be on you for that,
too.
Now that, "Pease go away" is just a typo, I know and I'll stop at that.
Thomas, you have a gift. Adopt a little more the perfectionist aspect and you will
be vastly more successful with it.
I can see the imagery and even the vision behind your building it. That's wonderful.
That's 90% of the thing. Now a little tidy work (I'll bet you don't even know how
to make a bed) and you're there.
I will be a real harpey the next time you leave grease on the plate.
JCH