This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-03-13 09:48:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Vestige
listen...
...do you hear?
music
making love to the masses
every aching measure
screaming out with desire
a sultry sophistication
born of sorrow's suffering
that rips wallpaper off the walls
climax comes
as you throw your soul out
over a million fondling fingers
and the mounting roar
of your audience
reaches its summit
fiercely rocking
side to side
those long tresses swaying
streamers in a storm
to sounds of wailing guitars
and throbbing drumbeats
of an open heart
a celebration of resignation
holding nothing back
until your very essence
bleeds out onto the stage
titillating traces
of what once was
an ageless spirit
performing
in celestial halls
unending,
undeniable,
unrelenting,
.....free
~ |
|
Copyright © March 2007 Mary J Coffman
Additional Notes:
Janice Joplin
1/19/1943-10/04/1970
Was listining to "Pearl" today..... 'Nuff said.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2007-03-18 11:41:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mary,
A quality write, worth everything you've put into this. She, "Janis", was one of my favorite artists.
Most of the music from that time, still sounds good to me. I can relate to this poem, in a lot of different ways - especially because it takes me back - to my youth, thank you for allowing me to do that.
I still listen now & again, when the mood strikes - to her CD - and I've found over the years I rely on the older music - because most of the newer artists don't make a lot of sense to me......(lol) not all of them, but most.
I love the imagery you've used to describe her: sultry, ageless spirit, screaming out, ripping wallpaper off off walls, all of this - moves the reader - to feel the poem - and appreciate each line and verse.
I really liked Marks idea of "Joplin" month - it sparked my interest enough to submit something about her also.
Thank you, for this piece - and a chance to step back in time.
sincerely,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-03-18 08:40:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
How do we find "vestige" (trace evidence) of spirit/soul? Is there any
other way for mankind than to see another "bleeds out onto the stage"?
The image of Janis, "fiercely rocking/side to side/those long tresses
swaying streamers/in a storm"...such a good way to remember her.
From there on, Mary J., your poem becomes an eulogy, structured with
step-down lines to end as it began, syntactically. I think, striking
the quality of refrain yet without the redundance.
And nothing about Janis Joplin was redundant.
Are we "titillated" to play her records now? You bet. Just as her
presence on stage provided "vestige" of the spiritual, so her song
lasts it.
Don't think I've ever really identified to any degree with performing
until I read your stanza, "climax comes/as you throw your soul out/over
a million fondling fingers". She gave it back, though, didn't she?
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-03-16 15:27:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mary...another sterling tribute to Janis Joplin. I knew you were writing about her from your first few lines. You have captured her as an entertainer and made her music sing with your well choosen words. The only problem is the typing is very light and somewhat difficult for my poor eyes to read! The way you have written the last four words gives me the sense that it signifies her downward spiral before her death. It is hard to imagine someone so talented through away her life on booze and drugs. However, she wasn't the frist famous person to do that and she won't be the last.
a sultry sophistication
born of sorrow's suffering
that rips wallpaper off the walls
climax comes
as you throw your soul out
over a million fondling fingers
these lines are so poignant and well written. I especially like...'rips wallpaper off the walls'...such a descriptive line but so different. Also 'a million fondling fingers' which alludes to her fans who loved her so much. Well done, Mary, I wouldn't change a thing.
Blessings....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-03-13 12:17:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nice tribute to Janice Joplin and it is a shame she had to leave this world so very young....her music certainly lives on though allowing her spirit to continue to shine. Nice presentation,
an ageless spirit
performing
in celestial halls
I love those three lines and the images presented with them. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-03-13 10:18:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary,
I've always felt nothing rocks the spirit like music and boy Janice could do that. Such a shame that the candles burning the brightest seem to burn out so quickly. Your poem did the same, reads like the music being played, ever rising to crescendo leaving the reader well sated at conclusion.
Lora
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