This Poem was Submitted By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2007-01-14 13:20:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Woe To the Forgotten Poets! Once laden with overflowing thoughts and feelings
laid to paper with pen and muse;
I've tried too hard and studied to learn
the proper formality, and I find a farce.
And I am sorrowed by it's misuse.
I've yet to discover a better way
to pen the things I want to say,
but I am stuck in no-man's-mind
There is a truth yet for poet to find
...wisdom to be reknown.
Simply stated; I have debated
and return once more to bring back
the love and desire for writing
that I've always had before.
The power of the poet, I have discovered
not at all in the thoughts the words uncovered
for surely we've heard them all before
and there is nothing new to behold! but
to have wisdom to see again.
But there are people!
There are genre's of people, tribes
and scribes alike
who have never known
the simple pleasure to release one's tears
and tiny wisdoms which can only be found
deep within the lines of fresh poem.
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Copyright © January 2007 Ellen K Lewis
Additional Notes:
I'll appreciate all editing and commenting!
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-01-27 14:15:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well, to some extent, Ellen (though your poem elsewhere has a highly
regarded poetic sensitivity and demonstrates high art in the expression
of it, I would take exception to your last verse. Perhaps "genre's" (the
plural form stays the same) is true...in that Philistines and people
from Coventry are apt (at least thought so) to be generically lacking
in such matters, "tribes" have, at almost every level back to Neanderthal,
appreciated the poetic, at least in chant. The conduct of their life
indeed was surrounded by a perception of spiritual framework that
demanded it. So much so that today the African and Australian aborigine
are among the most spiritually gifted on earth. And you can't be
spiritual can you?...without the Muse?
Your opening lines and stanzas address the vacuity left in the absence
of Muse, don't they? Something/someone that comes to us like an unmet
lover we never find by looking? Sometimes "wisdom renown" can be nothing
more than making absolute truth and its clarity inescapable. Because, and
here is my main point, we can lose in poetic sensitivity with progress
just as we can be young to it.
Still, you come out of the misaprehension finely, reflecting well on the
wonderful relase "fresh poetry" can be to the poet. Finding the way to
share its "virtue" with your reader is told you by the rare glimpses of
newness discovered usually quite by incident. And that's the Muse.
I think mine is a lady, but I'm not sure.
You have an excellent facility with the line but a little too much
contrivance apparent to rhyme (see?...you have me doing it.) Relax and
you talent will come, just as the Muse to inspire newness to your
expression of it.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-01-22 16:27:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86364
Not good at suggestions poet nor for proper forms and wording...........I have read this more then once and it certainly reminds me of myself when I first began to write.....with pen in hand, night after night, waking from sleep, words scribbled for whoever to see.......the images created are so very real poet and the thoughts running still even though the words no longer flow..........you have given me room for thought, to sit back and take another look at the forgotten poets ...........I am eager to check your other critiques on this piece to see what others with knowledge have offered as suggestions for improvement, if any. Reads well to me and I thank you for posting, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2007-01-18 11:21:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Ellen....Well penned poem that captures the feeling of all of us from time time. You said you would appreciate all editing, so I have a few thoughts.
(And) I am sorrowed by it's misuse......I would delete the 'and'...don't think you need it.
(but) I am stuck in no-man's-mind.................delete 'but'
There is a truth yet for poet to find............you have a new sentence here but no period after 'find'
...wisdom to be reknown.......................also if you delete 'yet' and put an 's' on poet this will
smooth the line
The power of the poet, I have discovered...........you need a period after discovered
not at all in the thoughts the words uncovered......this line is choppy and vague, not sure how to fix it..
...maybe..'not all thoughts are words uncovered'
for surely we've heard them all before
and there is nothing new to behold! but......you ended 'behold' with (!) but did not cap 'but'...however it
is not good to begin a sentence with 'but'....you could say
..'only the wisdom to see again'
These are only suggestion for you to use or lose...with the exception of the punctuation. With just a little tweaking this will be a fine poem. You have written it in free verse so don't need to be concerned with a rhyme!
cheers....Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2007-01-14 14:21:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen,
This is wonderful! What a refreshing new view, of a subject we can all relate to, you present us with here. Yet, one cannot help but feel the "woe" withing your lines. Even a little frustration sneaks through, as well. Great title, by-the-way. Aptly stated for the body of this beauty!
"....but I am stuck in no-man's-mind ....Love "no-man's-mind! Great play on words.
There is a truth yet for poet to find
...wisdom to be reknown....." ...One can relate to the constant strive for this, as any writer would. Well said, indeed.
"...Simply stated; I have debated...." Fantastic internal rhyme here :) Love it!
Your last verse is outstanding. I wondered just a bit whether "Tribes and scribes alike" should be on one line...but after careful consideration - The way you have it broken is perfect. The pause created by the line break is wonderful there! Thanks so much for this excellent "personal" offering, Ellen. I so enjoyed reading this! One I think that anyone serious about their writing can relate to at one time or another. Brava.
Warmest regards,
Mary
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-01-14 13:37:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ellen,
Your points and thoughts are well taken, I'd tighten it up a bit, get rid of extra words that aren't really needed, I think the last four stanzas could possibly stand alone. Wait and see what other feed back you get before you start to chop at it....LOL. I enjoyed the read, really like the concept but it does need some trimming IMHO. Keep writing, you do some great stuff.
Warmest,
Lora
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