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Have To Go In As I unloaded my bag from the taxi I sucked hard on my last cigarette with deep regrets and anxiety mounting, my heart pounding I recounted it all again and again trying to stall the inevitable end. I drew harder on my cigarette. How could I have done this? I was pacing on the sidewalk; excuse me, excuse me too many strangers and some were real strange I could still run-the choice was mine I was free to go anytime. My feet carried weights and my knees wouldn't bend I knew that I would have to go in....have to go in... The lady at the admissions desk with her serene smile have a seat it will be a little while I sat and chewed till I had no nails went outside again, fresh smoke in my lungs I really didn't want to be here! But I was here and I was going back in. The little bracelot on my arm a girl with a wheelchair and it was done "make yourself comfortable, this is your room the doctor will probably visit you soon." For 7 days I watched tv and chewed my nails endlessly on the eigth day a technichian came in his bouncing stride and widened grin "hi there! are we ready to begin?" I'm ready to leave-I'm ready to run! I should have known what I hadn't seen. I asked him "what's the drill for?" and as it started to whine another came in to hold my hand and help me pretend that all will be well in the end and this proceedure will help them begin the long quest of mapping my brain. I didn't run but I did sleep one hundred and fortytwo days and when I awoke I didn't know I had lost my temporal lobe. I didn't know the time or place or from where I had come I didn't recognize you there and, Mom I'm really sorry. It wasn't fair for you to wait and watch me as I slept but I appreciate the gift you gave and your lack of selfishness. I mourn the day you went away I can't recall...did I ever say.. thank you...?.... Thank you for helping me to chose the better way to heal I'm really much healthier now and I owe my strength to you. I know that you're in Heaven and I hope that you can hear I really can't recall though.... ....did I ever say 'thank you'? |
Additional Notes:
Sometimes we humans have to go back...back to where we've already been. This is my reflection of the days back in 1995.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-05 07:29:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
This reflection as you call it has brought to life those days you lived back then; so very real as I watched you pace back and forth, puffing on that cigarette before you finally went inside...........the lady with her smile telling you to sit its going to be awhile.....Lord, I would have run myself.........Your words just flowed poet, not once did you hesitate in your mission of recall.........good job, well done.........
I do appreciate the mention of your mother in the closing stanzas for where would any of us be without our mom? Nibe lived with us till she passed on into God's Heavenly Garden and though I was her caretaker she really took care of me....
Thanks for posting and sharing this time with us............I look forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire