This Poem was Submitted By: Teresa Green On Date: 2006-11-11 15:38:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Sunday Morning Scene Brown mottled panes tainted
with chocolate lab nose prints
Flat slats of cedar deck
Gated with stout lattice
Palisade evades strife
Dewy iron table
Chairs create safe haven
Quiet meditation
With panoramic view
A few clay pots sprouting
Angelface blue blosoms
Some urns of soft feathered
Jade asparagus ferns
Stern dusty miller stalks
All painstakingly placed
Now toppled with moist soil
Spilled, caking between planks
While barking permeates
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Copyright © November 2006 Teresa Green
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2006-12-05 23:38:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53333
The scene created with the flare of your pen represents something Pretty Girl might take upon herself to try......though she lives in her pen away from the back deck there was a time when she could invade our space causing havoc......today her barking wakes the critters at the edge of the woods; we live in the country and I thank the good Lord for that.........your words bring forth many images created; and it has been a nice read. Thanks for posting and for sharing. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-12-05 21:15:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
You've worked this into a fine march.
The six strong beats in each line pace us through your scene.
We've a chocolate and a yellow, and the same windows!
The pots, the wine, the whatever - spilled every day it seems.
When I read this one I started tearing it apart.
But its message is clear: you've a warm heart.
Happy Holidays.
tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-12-02 11:08:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Dear Teresa,
"Who let the dogs out", lol.....this is cute, I can see the imagery of the dogs creating havoc in the back of
your house - putting their mark - right smack in the middle of your lovely seating, plants - the quiet haven
disturbed with the mess, and loud barking.
Good choice of words, as I can see everything with the imagery you've depicted.
Nice read, fun and friendly.
Peace & Blessings,
Denimari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-11-30 23:33:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Hello, Teresa. Vivid images on a soft pallet of green make this a delightful read! On a cold winterd day (today) that has warmed my heart.
Spilled, caking between planks....spilled caking between planks
spilled and caking between planks
While barking permeates .. I had forgotten about the dog!
with chocolate lab nose prints.......fresh chocolate lab nose prints..maybe fresh so as the reader doesn't associate him with a memory, lest he fades out to quickly. The soft pastel pictures have pulled me back to some far distant place like in a painting. I hope you can bring the dog out a little bit. I just love chocolate labs!
This is a great poem. I really like it.
Ellen
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2006-11-22 17:54:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Dear Teresa
I must learn to read more closely. As I got to the last stanza I thought, gee, this sounds like a lazy Sunday morning ...
... and then I re-read the title. Doh!
I guess that's my way of saying that your poem is faithful to its intention, and effective to boot.
Best wishes
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2006-11-17 09:11:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
LOL this is so sweet a write. I could invision all that you have penned and know the experience of it..believe me!! I love dogs and especially labs.they are so so childlike and naughty..thanks for all the lovely images and the smile this morning..Nancy
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-11-12 15:16:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I believe you've submitted this before, Teresa. It is as good the second
time around, especially for dog lovers. Regardless of the canine animation,
it reminds me of a Renassiance still life, with the barks and fleeting "nose
prints" some van de Meer cue in an otherwise frozen moment.
One comes to view comfort in higly individualistic ways, your gate "evades
strife" while others might think more of holding out the world. Again, I take
this as a reference to your concern for holding in the dog. It might be more
poetically edifying if we could construe this to a broader stage. But then,
the focus plays, in ending, upon the more immediate and the "Spilled" presumably
by Mr. Wagtail.
Thus we come to realize your world is not without your pet, even in erstwhile
musings, suffering plants and all, and that the dog may not be as much the
intruder, as he is part and parcel, a sense of home.
I've felt that way about a number of like critters and sometimes wish I still
had the exhuberance to host more of them now than I do, knowing that I am
the lesser for the lacking. But age is a tiring, if anything.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2006-11-12 00:12:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Teresa,
This is a bit different from the original however it is deftly written, well executed and very enjoyable. You've made the Sunday Morning Scene one which is very easily pictured in the mind, there is amongst the chaos of dog and plants and simple joy derived from one our beloved pets can render. Thank you so much for this "Norman Rockwell" of words.
Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-11-11 15:54:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Teresa....I'm happy to see a poem from your pen today. I am fond of poems about nature and this one is just lovely. You have employed wonderful descriptors that place me right on your deck. I love the chocolate lab nose prints and gated with stout lattice....I get wonderful images in these lines. I also have an iron table and chairs so I can enjoy the panoramic view with you. Your clay pots are filled with beautiful blosoms and urns filled with soft feathered Jade asparagus ferns and dusty miller stalks is lovely and I can just imagine how pretty they are. We work so hard in the Spring and Summer to make our yard and flowers look beautiful but it only takes one freeze or water ladened snow storm to do them in! I guess the only thing to do is take pleasure in the beauty of Autumn....that is if you can see it under all those dead leaves. I enjoyed this poem and the pictures you painted with your pen. well done.
cheers....Marilyn
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