This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2012-12-01 11:34:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Somewhere
Somewhere there sings
A new yellow moon
bright and glistening
alone and listening
Somewhere there are stars
Brisling in the cosmic wind
Each a light leaf only wanting
To reach down
To touch ground
To be with us
Somewhere there is
a snowflake newly baked
Leaving the sky’s cold oven
Falling with billions
Yes trillions hoping only
To finish its life
On the tip of someone’s
Tongue
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Copyright © December 2012 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2013-01-05 09:16:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joe,
Yet once again you take deep emotion and render it convincingly, without being maudlin, with a sure expression that does it suggest.
You have built a "poetry machine" - it's a wonderful alembic - over your lifetime that takes life and turns into it into poetry. This is no small achievement.
Admirable, and it is appreciated and noted.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-12-30 10:24:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I've never cared for simile since the word "like" is too harsh a break in assonance. Your progression makes comparison subtle and suggests what I call parallelism. Put a "t" in Bristling and we have a winner. "To finish its life/On the tip of someone's/Tongue is an excellent way of drawing this progression together...and in such a delightful way.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-12-27 12:30:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Joe,
You have penned a fabulous poem and one I enjoyed reading more than once. Your word choices are expressive and effective. Good alliteration in light/leaf and to/touch also your use of enjambents is excellent. I like the notion of a snowflake being newly baked and falling on the tongue. A creative and thought provoking poem. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
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