This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-08-28 18:10:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Musings We found each other under a willow
tree of hopeful dreams where mem’ries
flap in the north wind of love and promise
and tried each other on with care
With courage to clutch hard and then hold on
to our unbroken stones of magic
that hides inside the center of our lives
like all the sidewalks of our past
Our magnetic pull lets us walk over
our little earth and not fall off
as we endure every savage season
in this frivolous life of dreams
Until we dance in forest’s wood I’ll whirl
through my ragged days like a spindle
that weaves the soft skeins of wool to keep us
warm through meadows of rabbit holes
Then and only then I’ll carve our names in
the willow tree and confess love
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Copyright © August 2012 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2012-09-04 11:07:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Cheyenne,
Such a lovely poem. While reading it, I am reflecting of my life with my wife, how the promise of love keeps up together.
Our magnetic pull lets us walk over
our little earth and not fall off --- I like the decription very much. You applied Physics here.
The ending is very inspiring. I am relaxed. It’s like I took a break from my busy day at work.
Take care,
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-09-03 11:19:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne, well- getting over the analogy of magnetism to gravity as a sort of metamorphism, I’ll gladly return to the –willow tree- and your love.
On a personal note, willow trees hold a passionate, enduring connection with me. It is a long story, sort of like yours, with an unwanted ending. I said that to say this (if you can get over the cliché). Your use of –magic- takes the timbre of the piece beyond the normal love each other story. Usually magic describes the connection, or the imprint of two, but here you grant it to a third party (whether inside or out really doesn’t matter).
Your –sidewalks of our lives- is a brilliant simile.
In fact S3 is has a newness worth traveling through. –savage season- -frivolous life of dreams- yes, even that magnetic thing analogy that works better in the context of your verse than gravity.
S4 is brilliant in a very good piece. S4L1 – such an beautiful image, it evokes the scene and makes the voyeur wish to partake and kiss the girl himself.
S4L2 I am not sure of the intent of this line, but I adore the –ragged days like a spindle- My assumption is that the new love interest mends a difficult life and brings order and completion to the finished product. You then -weaves the soft skeins of wool- wonderful wonderful and -keep us warm through meadows of rabbit holes- absolutely imagetastic. I am not sure whether you meant the rabbit holes purely in an actual sense or with a secondary comparison to magic, such as Alice in Wonderland- but either way it works fantastic.
And we return to the carved names. The best part of this piece is we are left with the endearing, or the haunting. You never tell us the end, together or not- only the magic involved.
A very splendid piece.
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