This Poem was Submitted By: Michael Bird On Date: 2011-01-08 08:20:12 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Interlude with a Murderer

Another night of thirsting Like a cheetah hunting for new blood A thousand whispering voices in my head Needing to feed one voice chattering Fresh meat,fresh kill For the dark passenger is back Lurking about in the shadows Hiding in the alleys Rambling through the woods The dark passenger  And those thousand whispering voices Will soon be quiet,their thirst,hunger As well as mine will soon be over The tools to kill are simple and few A thin surgical steel blade All nice and shiny,and super sharp A rag loaded with chloroform Odorless,but yet swift to subdue  A handful of sand to keep you from screaming In case you wake up in this living hell Grandiose plans I have for you Silent stealthy and swift From behind a rag over the face The chloroform is swift Her body is instantly limp Mustn't forget the sand Unbutton the shirt,or rip it off? Decisions,decisions I must be very careful A trophy I will need  to take with me Ah! A fine specimen she is Firm,yet so very supple What enjoyment to me she will give Such a rush,an adrenaline high A high greater than a thousand hits of heroin The smell and taste of blood,of raw meat All good things will end though She will soon be all cold and stiff  Without life to sustain it The dark passenger will return To feed again On to the next kill,and another And another    

Copyright © January 2011 Michael Bird


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-06 20:08:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Michael, Wow, this is stark, chilling...scary how well you get into the mind of what I presume to be a serial killer. Your description seems spot on and as cold as the bloody murderer that he/she is. I must confess I was slightly thrown by the reference to the dark passenger as it seemed to be different entity from the murderer but also the murderer himself. perhaps that was the point. How the murderer is a dark passenger within a person that everyone else sees as normal...aha...if that be the case, then BRAVO...you have truly nailed it. Eerie ~ but very well done! Mandie


This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2011-02-06 16:24:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mr. Bird, It was a chore reading this through to the end. My score: 3. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-02-02 08:30:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Michael, I have read this piece several times. The forboding and latent evil is well written. It reminded me, (because I couldn’t attribute the murderer or victims to s specific subject) of an old episode of Star Trek, where an evil entity would inhabit bodies over the centuries and commit heinous crimes. You have capture well the evil within a person able to commit such atrocities. If your goal was to leave reason and instigation from justifying the act; you did well. This piece leaves me unsettled, but brings to the forefront well, the deep seated desires of a person without compassion. The serial killer keeping a “trophy” is as cold blooded as the rest of the piece. What an image!
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-01-28 18:20:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Michael, Over a period of days I have read and re-read this poem. The thing that strikes me most is not the bloodiness or the murder but the way in which you describe it. Your words are haunting but at the same time stunning. It is darker than most but well written and compelling (which is why I keep coming back to it) Something you read, a TV program, a dream, all of which could have prompted you to write a disturbing poem. Perhaps you wanted to shock your readers and make them sit up and take notice...you have certainly done that. This wirte reminds me of Poe in his darkest and most tortured days. Well done. Best wishes, cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-01-16 00:35:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
High points for the creep effect. However, the "thirst" for "blood" is lost with the "chloroform." The start is intense and builds but is lost near the end. The frantic and maniacal nature of the narrator's "thousand whispering voices" and blood thirst felt lost when logic crept in "I must be very careful." Dark and morbid but it left me wanting more.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-01-12 10:08:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Michael, Very dark thoughts in this post. I have to start with I've read many more poems of yours that I enjoyed but I think this one could use some refreshing - and tightening up because of all the extra words that take away from the read and message in this poem. Perhaps breaking in up in to verses would help as well. What do you think? This is just my personal opinion after reading it twice - you have something here and with a little work I see it to be a haunting poem. blessings, Deni
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