This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-01-08 17:37:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Autumn Echoes When autumn leaves decide to waft and fall,
my heart recalls the times of linen sighs
when summer held its breath before the stall
and lilac days began their woeful cries.
The lamp-less eve will cast its darkened cape
across the honeyed path of suns delight
and when the moon returns and light escapes,
I’ll keep my dreams inside the restless night.
The embers gloss and glow when autumn sweeps
a swath of rosy hues on ivied walls.
The warmth of echoes left when sun held sleep,
before it heard the lark and sparrow calls.
Beneath the pulse of winter’s vow to chill,
I’ll wait the fragile days of light to spill.
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Copyright © January 2010 cheyenne smyth
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-02-02 22:38:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91667
Cheyenne,
Another lovely.
Beneath the pulse of winter’s vow to chill,
I’ll wait the fragile days of light to spill.
Love this ending.
again good subtle rhyme.
Dellena
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-01-29 16:40:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
You certainly are accomplished at the sonet, so nicely written and delivered with is cadence that sweeps the reader down the page such as wind and leaves are swept in a path. The verbiage places delightful images in the mind and bespeaks so well of the season. This was a pleasure to read. no nits or spags. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2010-01-23 15:23:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne,
Very nice sonnet. Both the meter and the imagery were very accomplished. Solid and shows you know poetic form very well, and certainly are doing what you were meant to do: writing poetry.
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-01-11 11:38:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
I would like so much more, fade and fall. That third verse is eloquent and elevates
this poem abundantly. Slightly less so are the final lines. Just a little polish on
the rest. Tight imagery is your trademark, but take a leap every now and then.
Some really beautiful lines.
JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-01-10 00:47:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Great imagery Cheyenne, I like the way you ended this poem, love the two line endings in any poem. It has a simplistic edge, the reader can understand the message of the poem without having to sift through words to find the meaning. I'm not sure on the word "decide" in your first verse - my opinion only, is it seems to take away from the opening of this poem. I would use "start", or "begin" leaving the idea out that they have a choice or not.
2nd verse is nicely written, no nits or errors, just fine poetic style.
3rd verse is very good.
This is a nice expression of the season, a personal take, that was a pleasure to read.
Blessings,
Deni
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