This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-09-13 01:24:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Secret Love Letter Penciling,
Shading in hearts
Made to love
To make love
In the night
Clinging to faith
or four or more strengths weakening
My body desires to
arrest your passion
Please erase this picture of motions
of what my heart yearns for
Release the song I want you to embrace
evermore adore
Before
This sketch takes flight unaided to the cradle
of aimless dreams
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Copyright © September 2009 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2009-10-06 17:25:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
Love the ending. "Unaided" and "aimless" . . . after that last poem, and now this, I feel like your watching me. :)
MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2009-10-06 17:25:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96000
Dear Deni
This has much more of a lilt to it, a real gentleness.
If you did send this love letter to anyone, they should be very pleased.
Best wishes
Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-09-21 18:01:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Another nicely done poem with good flow, an easy meter for the reader. Your words gently stroke the mind of the reader lamenting of an admired attraction that may or may not come to fruition.. Your format while unusual lends itself nicely to your poem emphasizing just the right words to bring your point home. I can find no faults and have no suggestions. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2009-09-13 12:50:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
I do believe this Secret Love Letter should be given or sent to the one it is meant for.....full of emotion, passion, desire and longing....yet surely not a hopeless situation I pray.....dreams are meant to be shared. Good Job....God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-09-13 01:50:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
Solid ending - the icing on the cake on an evocative piece. I like the motion of the desparate sketching and all the pulsating activity in this 'moment'. I would recommend changing this -' my body desires to arrest your passion'. Something more unique would give this piece more power than it already has.
I liked this.
Duane.
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