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This Poem was Submitted By: Kimberly A Butterworth On Date: 2005-10-07 14:14:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Gloomy Days

Summer is long gone as the first leaves start to fall. Memories of bare feet, I barely miss at all. Gray sky filled with candor, Shadowy lazy day, A dirt road I start to meander. Cloudy and overcast, I hear the wind in the trees, I hope and pray to god this will last. I shake and chill, rub my arms to warm myself, Think of a warm, enveloping bath, To sink away into stealth. Long, comfortable jeans Soft wool laden socks, Soon will come my long awaited day dreams. Stay far you despicable light, Clear not my fog, Sway not my plight. It is fall I love, the wind. the rain. Here is where I am home, Here I will remain. Leave the summer for the shallow, The thoughtless vain, And superficially hollow. These clouds are our background To create and imagine, Be always Comforted and forever found.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marsha Steed On Date: 2005-11-04 09:45:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Kimberly, my favourite stanza was: Leave the summer for the shallow, The thoughtless vain, And superficially hollow. For me, this could absolutely stand alone. What a wonderful image, of all the summer-time activities, they are mostly indeed shallow and pleasure-seeking. My favourite season is also fall, and I think you have touched upon the exact reason why. Gray sky filled with candor, - succulant. There is a depth to the fog and the rain, the greyness and the thoughtful still. The witchy feel of change in the air brings me home to who I am as well. It sounds as if you have the same feelings, yet you put them into verse. Nice that. The font is beautiful, but a little difficult to read, perhaps if it was made bold? M

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2005-10-21 14:24:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Kimberly, I recently wrote a poem about October...that was my husbands favorite time of year. I like your word choices in this piece and the rhyme is consistant and does not seem forced. I think the last two stanzas are my favorite. Leave the summer for the shallow,..........these three lines are quite profound...anyone can make their The thoughtless vain, way in the summer when things are easy and laid back. But it And superficially hollow. takes more grit to endure fall and the impending winter with enthusiasm! These clouds are our background............clouds are wonderful tools for the imagination. I love looking To create and imagine, at them from the window of an airplane and just as I did as a Be always Comforted and forever found. child I love making all kinds of images of them in my mind. In this piece you have given us another reason to love the autumn! Well done. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2005-10-10 11:49:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Okay Kimberly. I think you got your point across that you love the fall. Overall impression - good. Your rhyme is a bit off and could use some revision in stanza 3 and 4. Good descriptions of the cold and dreary days upon us. Use of triplets - good, but need work. Thanks for the posting and the chance to review your work.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-10-08 07:48:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Kimberly, I don't remember critiquing a poem of yours before but savor the opportunity to do so this time. You reflect on gloom in a strange way. It seems (through the piece) that you relish the gloom of the autumn inspired surroundings, eschewing any scope for light and disbursement of fog. The bleak spirit that surrounds this piece seems to blend perfectly with the contemplative nature of the poet as reflected herein and I agree, the sunny side of life is almost always superficial. Darkness is a lot more honest an revealing. I like the thought proceeding in this. I would suggest taking a closer look at the meter. You've used rhyme as the form and as such, would need a more uniformly rhythmic structure. For example, verses 1 and 4 are not in sync with some of the other verses and there are quite a few jerks through the read. This will gradually work its way out once you sit down to revise it but what is important is that you know what you want to say. Nice poem!! Take care, Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jillian K Sorenson On Date: 2005-10-07 23:35:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
My mother would relate to this. She adores the fall and winter with its cold and rain. I myself prefer summers....hot ones. Course, I wouldn't have thought to call myself shallow because of it. :) The 1st/3rd line rhyme sequence works nicely here and doesn't seem forced. Curious title however, since the poem is joyful about the gloomy days themselves. I was expecting a dark piece. I find it interesting that you capitalized "Comforted" but not "god". I like best the myself/stealth rhyme, that was clever. Nice work.

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