This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2005-06-22 16:20:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Healing Communication board brings forth
sun spun soul trapped between
earthen plane and heaven’s stars
two kindred spirits offer assistance
blindly in the chasm deep
chasing demons near and far
full moon rising on summer solstice
an opportunity so rare
hurry quick no time to spare
burning sage release the prisoner
caught betwixt two worlds
healing light surrounds the girls
wafts of smoke tickle the spirits
embracing for eternity
heaven bound body be
whose daughter watches as she waits
to witness demons casting
out from mom everlasting
lonely here, but hopeful still
she waves goodbye for now
turns toward two earth bound souls
who hold her close in warm embrace
an other worldly fragile bow
move her to tomorrow’s shoals
where salty tears from oceans flow
to give scarred heart slight reprieve
to see her mom if she believes |
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Copyright © June 2005 Mandie J Overocker
Additional Notes:
A friend and I created a communication board (similar to Ouija board) and in our experimentation were contacted by a pour soul trapped between heaven and earth. Under her guidance and with the help of her daughter's spirit, we were able to set her free. This was penned the morning after as I reflected on the experience.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-07-05 18:30:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54167
Dear Mandie,
This poem brings back fond memories, of the Quija board and how we used to love to fool around with it.
My son still has one here at home, and now and again we pull it out just to pass time.
I have to admit, we never made contact with anyone, just played and asked it mindless questions for entertainment purposes only.
The fact that you may have communicated with a lost soul, brings Sylvia Brown to mind - just thought I'd mention it.
Your poem has good descriptive imagery and the presence of a spiritual quality that could light up anyones imagination.
Sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-07-01 11:59:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mandie,
What an intriguing poem! Not only is the story of great interest to me - being the seeker that I am - but the harmonious use of sonic combinations really enhances the read. I love "sun spun soul", for instance, with all the sibilant alliteration. And again, here: "wafts of smoke tickle the spirits/embracing for eternity" - more soft consonants, and the unexpectedness of "tickle" to add energy.
The speaker and her companion are appropriately viewed as karmic sisters, balancing the daughter's own presence but not pulling against it. They are the two poles between which this woman's spirit must move for its journey.
who hold her close in warm embrace ... more lovely soft-c and s sounds; this speaks of gentleness and peace
an other worldly fragile bow ... I love the potential for several meanings of "bow"!
move her to tomorrow’s shoals ... wonderful use of the "o" assonance, and the shoals offer a haven
where salty tears from oceans flow ... interesting that the oceans themselves are seen to cry, rather than being composed of the tears collected from a living source; this is the water element from which we all arise
The "bow" line is extremely subtle. If it's the "ribbon" it implies a knot, like the symbol for eternity itself, but fragile because at anymoment the strand can break. If it is the "bow" of a ship, as rhymes with "now" or "prow", then it suggest a barque which bears the soul across the final river - the Styx, perhaps - to the realms of the blessed. It could also be the sort of bow that means a salutation, a gesture of respect performed by the two women who have released her.
I like the tercet form you've used, and the rhyme is nicely unpredictable - not always in the same pattern - which parallels the surprising events of the experience itself.
Is this something you've done before? I don't mean necessarily this particular type of communication, but the attempt itself? I've been exploring many concepts of the afterworld since my mother's death in November, as I would dearly love reassurance that we do go on and that she is all right in her new form. But so far, nothing seems to come except odd coincidences that might or might not mean anything.
You have performed a service, I think, that will count much in the overall scale of things.
I feel as if I've been meant to read this piece. I have been offline much of the time recently, owing to personal circumstances, so it's perhaps another one of those coincidences that upon my return, this piece tops my to-critique list.
Thank you!
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-06-25 18:34:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92308
What an experience this must have been for you and your friend......to be able to help this soul trapped between heaven and earth...........good structure, word flow makes for a nice read, allowing images to come forth as one travels down the lines ............you have made it possible poet to see the soul being set free to continue on its journey to heaven......thank you for posting and sharing with us, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-06-22 16:29:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.48837
Mandie,
What an unusual piece and a comfortable read, well structure, great imagery. Your explanation was nice to know for whom and why you penned this however, your story was great. Oh so many mysteries in heaven and on earth, how closed we can be, and great that you protected yourself before embarking on such a precarious journey. Safe travels.
Lora
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