This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2014-03-08 10:29:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
I Will Lie
I will lie tonight
in the litter of our
love
in the twilight of
our last gleaming
I will lie amid the
absent kisses that
had gone astray,
missed their target,
got lost in the sheets
I will watch them for you
keep them company
till the next time we
renew
I will lie among
the unfinished poetry
Amid the sentences
and the stanzas
that await their final touch
by putting pen to paper
hand to heart
lips to kisses
I will await the ink
of you’re beauty
and the scroll of your body
that so beckons
this writer’s soul
|
|
Copyright © March 2014 Joe Gustin
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2014-04-03 01:09:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
To be able to touch a readers soul is one of the most successful parts of being a poet.
There are so many good things in this write - from word choice, structure, rhyme but most of all a message which at first made me think you were switching topics -
taking the first 3 verses as stanzas written about physical love -(which it could be - like a build up of things you love most in life)
but toward the end I felt the message ran more deeply - to the fine line you as a writer walk on - making me think this poem was more so about writing poetry and the wait for inspiration to do so.
I'd love to know more about what inspired these words,
blessings,
Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terry L Krieg On Date: 2014-03-17 17:09:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I enjoyed this very much. It brings alive the pauses that life takes when waiting for a potent individual to return. The sense of waiting that is always with us.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2014-03-11 11:32:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
So very romantic and sensual, provocative and smooth with great feeling--an ah-ha moment if you will... Very nice. One small suggestion would be to change your use of the word "lie" to "lay" thus keeping the image fresh and pertinent and in perspective. A most enjoyable read. Lors
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2014-03-10 20:31:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Ah Joe, such a romantic heart. The great poetry books are filled with sentiments like this, and yet there are several of their own diction. The thought of kisses missing their marks and winding up in the sheets is a wonderful image.
Mostly your last stanza accents the verse, “the scroll of your body” is a wonderful image. I found this to be an enjoyable read- and I do love romantic poetry. BTW, last staza, second line, “your” is the correct word.
A really nice way to start my evening.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!