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Mindless mindless computers push the wrong button- and it’s up your ass mindless people push the wrong button- and it’s up your ass mindless computers enter wrong data insistent, insatiable beep- error! error! mindless people use the wrong words running in circles- confusion! confusion! mindless computers power surge electricity down the line— shut down!! shut down!! mindless people power surge rage through the mind— wipe out!! wipe out!! mindless computers use precision language elicits specific response— questioning curser mindless people use specific directions elicits narrow response— blank minds mindless computers innovative queries imaginative search— endless electronic circles mindless people unexpected situations initiation of thought— immediate circles of panic which one am I dealing with now? |
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2014-03-01 17:46:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Terry - I can say there is def a charge in this piece - I can actually feel the hectic pace of life these days in your words - the world relying on machines for everything and the circumstances created when the power goes off -
Love your take on technology - and the adjectives you've chosen are good - Blank, mindless, panic and the use of endless electronic circles sums up the message of your poem.
For me personally the structure doesn't matter - it's more about the intensity in which you've written this - and your ending line "which one am I dealing with now" goes to the fact that there are so many it's become overwhelming perpetual use in today's society.
Good job,
I enjoyed this,
Deni