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Dead Days Each tomorrow Gets further away No particular magic Fills my days The coins of my youth Have long been spent And only now do I feel The need to repent My tired shoes Know well the dues I have paid The deals I have made The roads I have paved I wish God Could stop my fall Your God Their God Any God At all |
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2013-01-24 17:46:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joe,
You have penned a great poem and one I enjoyed from beginning to end. I like the dark flavor of the lines and the melancholy that seeps from your well chosen words. The only suggestion I have is to not use such large spaces between each verse.
Dead Days
Each tomorrow
Gets further away
No particular magic
Fills my days ....should this be 'fill' instead of 'fills?'
The coins of my youth
Have long been spent
And only now do I feel
The need to repent....this is my favorite quantrain
My tired shoes....excellent
Know well the dues
I have paid
The deals I have made
The roads I have paved.....great line
Well done,
Best wishes,
cheyenne