To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Sighs Caress the Sea Like fallen stars the diamond shores embrace all shadowed ships of fortune We dare the ocean with our breath held to break the silence of weltering water I take your hand and press it to my lips while purple horizons slip away Redeemed in spilled grace we catch the light from tinted arches in widening walls of space You are my wings that let me fly my sails to help me float your are the wind so I can breathe Our sighs caress the sea |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2011-11-13 11:24:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Hi Cheyenne,
This is lovely, and you've used sounds here so well. I particularly love
the tone of the piece, the softness of it, the couple savoring every
moment. It is as if these two have carved out a place for themselves to
express their love. The narrator, in the final stanza, voices a stunning
climax to the piece, so sibilant and soulful that it almost brings tears.
Like fallen stars
the diamond shores embrace
all shadowed ships
of fortune
We dare the ocean
with our breath held
to break the silence
of weltering water
The water suggests emotional turmoil; perhaps the couple has been unable
to meet with one another, for whatever reasons. The implication here is
that they are meeting under "shadowed" circumstances, holding their breath,
and finally, daring the ocean to "break the silence." There is a hidden
aspect to this meeting, suggested by your word choices of "fallen/shadowed/
breath held" and others. Are they having to meet in secret, though their
passion is strongly implied?
I take your hand
and press it to my lips
while purple horizons
slip away
Redeemed in spilled
grace we catch the light
from tinted arches
in widening walls of space
These lines above suggest that the couple's love is perhaps a tryst, that
the redemption, and "spilled grace" envelope them. It feels as if they have
been constrained. I am curious about the tinted arches, but see them as
symbolic. The couple now have more space around them, increased privacy,
but the walls are perhaps ones which will enclose again upon the return
voyage. For the moment, ecstasy prevails. You've used imagery and theme
beautifully throughout. Below are my favorite lines, as they evoke an
intense romantic and soulful mood.
You are my wings
that let me fly
my sails
to help me float
your are the wind
so I can breathe
Our sighs caress the sea
***
Wonderful closing line. It implies that this couple have found their
moments of bliss together. The expansiveness of the entire poem, from
what seems to be a world made just for them, makes this romantic poem
a sheer delight to read.