Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: kevin F Dunn On Date: 2010-11-10 20:36:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

A soldier.

Down the road there came a soldier,
Seventeen, or barely older.
Beneath his grimy uniform,
His wounded body, tired and worn.

Furrowed brow and sunken eyes,
beleaguered soul, who pondered lies.
That brought him here to spill his blood,
Midst agony and gore and mud.

His innocence lay scattered here,
across the fields, where freedom dear.
He'd purchased now with mortal sin,
upon a politicians whim.

Copyright � September 2001 kevin F Dunn

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-11-26 23:39:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Love it! This is so awesome because it is not "time" gendered to a particular war and can describe all the wars of the past - in any country,

absolutely brilliant, imagery very good - and the intense message of the waste of a young precious life that has not matured enough in life to go out loose it via war -

so tremendously sad,

on my list,

blessings,
Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2010-11-20 18:20:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Kevin,
This is great.
Realizing men fight thinking of idealistic views upon joining.
Then learning the real guts of the situation and the grief that
our youth die fr far less noble reasons.
It makes me sad and mad.
Lost his youth, lost his innocence, bitter he becomes.
Hence, upon coming home how can they ever forget
the trauma and pain and deaths of their brethren.
I as a woman can't tolerate the thought of it.
Your rhyme is good and subtle. very heart felt piece.

Dellena

This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-11-12 18:01:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Kevin,

Pardon the cliche but war is hell. How sorrowful that many soldiers are so young...they have barely begun to live before fighting for their very life. You have a nice rhyme that carries the lines down the page with ease. In your last verse, second line, I think it would read better if you used 'freedom's dear' instead of 'freedom' as the word 'fields' is plural..just a thought for you to consider. Well done.

Best wishes,
cheyenne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-11-10 23:05:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Kevin,

This is a well written tribute to the soldier. Rhymes are clean and the meter flows relatively well. I got a little tripped up on the 2nd line of the 3rd stanza. May you want to change it perhaps consider the following? "across the fields, where freedom's dear." It feels like there was something missing there...just an idea - food for thought.

Mandie

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!