This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-09-18 02:23:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The "Killing" Report In night times first light
traces of vapors
through morning fog
rise as creeps of night have alibis.
Strange and deranged
perform acts of insane
evil unheard
by good souls at rest.
We wake to a world
in total duress.
Coating of doubts
mixed with fear
precedence
to pay more thought
to staying safe.
Extra locks
broaden in homes
mount to millions
over scores
of paranoid blocks.
Damaged by demons
with no purpose or plan
except to bring evil to man.
Cut throats and low bottom feeders
prey on simple beings.
No remorse or hope of changing in life
the hangmen of hate are pleased with their style.
For decades they’ve thrived on honing their crimes.
Our bodies, our beings mean nothing as we fight to stay alive.
Horror filled fear while “Satan’s†children forge their wars.
We pray to be able to survive every day with power
that compels to completely stop these monsters from hell.
By shared prayer to the “Lord†in every eve for protection of armor
by the blood of Jesus to keep us safe.
Trust in “Gods†eyes that never sleep.
Let us wake in the morning still praying for peace.
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Copyright © September 2010 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-09-25 16:05:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Deni,
This is a powerful poem that limns the world we live in today. I doubt there will ever be everlasting peace as wars have been fought since the beginning of time. I suppose we will pray all our days for a peaceful world. You do an excellent free verse poem and this one is no exception. You have made excellent word selection and the flow is even. Well done.
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2010-09-19 11:37:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Deni,
You are certainly able to project the darker side of life in this piece and with it, give the reader so much to hope for through your closing lines.
There were some very powerful lines in this poem that also ryhmed well -
Damaged by demons
with no purpose or plan
except to bring evil to man --- the image of the demons is good as it heightens the sense of evil.
No remorse or hope of changing in life
the hangmen of hate are pleased with their style.
For decades they’ve thrived on honing their crimes --- very very well written. Nice rhyme.
The areas where you might want to begin revising are :
Verse 1. I kind of got tongue tied here and could not bring it together to work for me. Repetition of the same word - night could be avoided.
Verse 4. I did not think that this verse added much to the piece and as you work to make this a lot more concise, this may even be erased.
I hope this is a small verse step in revising this.
Take care,
Duane.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2010-09-18 14:35:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
DeniMari, seems the forces of good are winning- in the "Killing Report" but the forces of evil are getting all the press.
I first thought this was an early Halloween piece, and then realized you were deadly serious. After reading the story of the mom and kids, tortured, raped and burned while the cops sat on their ass- I found this piece apropos for the moment.
It is a particularly good line "no remorse or hope of changing in life" and "thrived on honing their crimes".
It is the moral structure of so many these days, God on or God not- So many don't see that letting a small issue slide- is the opening of the door to terrorism and more.
A powerful read.
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