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Rub It In Rub It In the alienation is more than l can bear and to think that you would seperate even your brothers from your mother nit pick and split the hairs. my sin is too great to be forgiven although you still haven't said it your silence is aggressive and you cut me away My heart was born of gold yours was coated with sugar I've been dipped into the brass so that you could know laughter. You need time and distance I need to be all alone I can not touch your resistance you've cut me through the bone. I don't know why we're waiting I'm not going to play this game I will soon be leaving and I won't be back again. Please set your things in order that I may not leave you scattered let's finish up this business and be done. |
Additional Notes:
Rare for me to go this deep. Old wounds that never healed. I know way down deep, in my knower--a mothers heart can only be broken once. (the gold and the brass are true representations of money and power, the sugar is a reflection of the spoil)
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-10-30 14:08:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Ellen....I was grateful for your additional comments....there are times when we must add words to the poem that have not been written therein. As I read this piece I thought you were speakiing to your husband and had decided you could not go on and were leaving for good. But your comment....a mothers heart can only be broken once...leads me to believe you are speaking to your child. Either way this is such a melancholy piece that it is heart-breaking to read. The loss of a loved one, that is derived from anger or frustration, is every bit as bad as losing one to death...maybe more so. Wounds to the soul and heart take a very long time to heal...in time they do...but the waiting is unimaginable. In your first two stanzas you don't use caps on the first word of the first lines but in the folowing lines you do use caps on the first word of each stanza. I am not sure what the signifcance is so you will need to clue me in....perhaps it's just an oversight. The entire poem flows well. You rhyme the 4th and 5th stanza but use free form in the remaining stanzas. However, it seems to work without detraction for the reader. Your last line...and be done...seems final leaving no room for debate. Whatever your sorrow is I hope you can put it behind you...and believe me I know that is not easy. Sometimes the very act of writing your feelings down can do wonders in perpetuating the healing process. Thank you for sharing this very personal poem,
Blessings....Marilyn